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Sunday, 7 December 2008

The Next Generation GPS sat-nav Pants

The Next GenerationNews has come through to us today from The Age; apparently, lingerie-luminary Lucia Lorio has gotten right up the nose of feminists round the world with her new creation:

GPS-enabled lingerie…

Some feminist groups are up in arms, calling it the 21st Century equivalent of a chastity belt, but Lorio is at pains to point out that it’s purely designed for harmless titillation and fun, kinda like a modern version of hide and seek. Or catch me if you can. So, it’s being billed, in Lorio’s own words, as ‘a wink to women and a challenge to men.’ Added peace of mind for whatever comely wench wears it can be had from the fact that she chooses when and where she turns the GPS unit on, and therefore, when her paramour can track her.

Once you get over the initial bizarreness of the idea… well, it still seems bizarre, but apparently, some women in the company’s home territory of Brazil are buying it as a form of protection, which isn’t that surprising, when you consider that Brazil’s got the third highest rate of kidnapping in Latin America, just after Colombia and Mexico.

The question remains of how the woman’s other half is going to chase after her, since she could theoretically be miles away, and unless he’s got mobile broadband to get to her location relatively quickly, traipsing 3 miles is going to dampen one’s wanton ardour quicker than an ice cube down your pants.

Of course, if it’s just a website you have to log in to, to find her, then you could do that on something as simple as the Sony Ericsson X1, instead of a laptop, and since it’s also got Live Messenger built in, you can be in constant contact with her, exchanging scintillating messages, or more likely, telling her that next time, she can wear normal undies and get her backside round to your place, instead of sending you wandering round São Paulo for 3 hours. And of course, if she’s really wound you up, the danger is you’ll keep telling her you’re just round the corner, when all the time you’re at home, with your feet up sniggering, as you direct her to the shops…

And I’d like to point out that it took quite a lot of thinking to work out how to shoehorn mobile phones into this story.

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